It turns out that I felt the way I did about a month ago because I reduced the dosage of fluoxetine too fast. Which is interesting. Because there was no external trigger. I wasn't feeling lonely. I wasn't hating the course, or the city, or the uni like I did last year. There are no battles being fought on the family front, no evil housemates, no horrid course mates. Nothing. Which shows that it is all in my head. Not in the "I'm making things up" way or the "stop acting crazy" way or the hallucinating way. But in the science way. It's all to do with the neurotransmitters. Or the synapses. Or something. Somewhere there is a deficit. Which makes me feel a little happier, cause it shows that I wasn't making it up. It wasn't teenage angst. It's not my fault. Well, not totally :p
I'm not sleeping much better. When I do sleep I sleep for hours and can't get up but it still takes me a while to fall off, although the time between head hitting the pillow and dreams is getting less. Last night I woke up every few hours, which I used to do every night but which hasn't happened for months. In the overall scheme of things it may not be that great but it is a small improvement on earlier in the term. I do however feel like I'm hibernating. And I feel awful at night, round about this time. Everything goes back to being pointless. But it passes (generally).
Baby steps Lexie, baby steps.