It's 3:20 in the morning and I'm awake and writing this. I wish this was insomnia but it isn't. I even wish it was a childish tantrum, a five-more-minutes-please-mum kind of situation, like when you were younger and there was something on the telly that you wanted to watch but it was way past your bedtime.
I don't want to sleep because then it will be tomorrow, and I don't want it to be tomorrow. Term starts tomorrow and I've spend today in a state of perpetual, inexplicable dread. I don't want to go back. I don't want to see people. I just want to stay here, in my room, in bed. This isn't laziness. This is fear.
This is all ridiculous and yet...
I wish it would stop. All of this. Everything.
:( Been there!! Oh have I been there! I wish I had some good advice, but at least I can say that once you start the new day, it will be over with and then maybe you will feel better knowing it is behind you!♥
ReplyDeleteThanks Shannon. Don't worry, I don't need advice. It's enough knowing people are there :)
DeleteSo weird, I was up at the same time from first-day-back-tomorrowness eating bran flakes. They make things better, but I digress. I agree with Shannon, the first step is the worst, and the second step might just be even more worse than that, but it's all up from there. And nothing is so bad once you're actually doing it, it's the anticipation and the dread that sucks.
ReplyDeleteSorry I don't have anything wiser to say, but there's a whole lotta people rooting here for ya. When I get stressed like that I make lists of things that are solid in my life that I can count on. Some of them are people, some of them are movies or music or places, and some of them are pizza and Coke.
Feel better Lexie!
Hello stranger :) Like I told Shannon, I don't need wise words. It's more than enough knowing that you're all there. I like your list making, I may do that. Hope you're well x
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