Failing...

I've been putting off writing this post because it's easier not to think about it. It hurts. Part of me is holding out for a miracle I know will never come.

I failed cardio.

I passed renal and neuro but somehow I managed to do worse on the cardio module than the first time round.

I've been offered an external resit, which at least means I'm not being chucked out. However it does mean that Bristol probably isn't happening.

I went down to Birmingham after getting my results on Thursday. I cried on the bus, on the platform, on the train. I cried when talking to my personal mentor, and again when in the meeting with my year tutor. I kept seeing people from my year and it hurt. I think I just need to admit I'm a jealous person and stop trying to hide it. I'm jealous of everyone going to Bristol to do the iBAMH. I'm so happy for those who past the exams, but also jealous that their life is going right, while I'm floundering.

There's a tiny, tiny possibility I can still go to Bristol. As it's an external resit I'm not registered at Birmingham. My case is unheard of but I've appealed to both universities, and am just waiting on an answer.

There was something good that came out of this though. Throughout the 2 hour journey down to uni, whilst in the waiting room, when I was in my meetings I only once thought about transferring to English, and it was a fleeting, emotional half-thought. I had all the time to seriously consider it and I didn't. I guess I do really want to do medicine.