My Attempt at Useful Procrastination...

A slightly belated but nevertheless very Happy New Year to you all!

I’ve been avoiding my laptop because I’ve finally made the connection between it and my lack of revision. And so I’ve been keeping it at the side of my desk, in the big pile of papers and files, and looking at it longingly but not actually going on it unless absolutely necessary. Finding a missing lecture is absolutely necessary; watching charlieissocoollike (see later) on YouTube is not, but more on that later. When I do go on my laptop, this happens. This is what I’m doing now – I’m sat in bed, under the covers, laptop squarely in front of me, files and revision notes all pushed to one side, head firmly occupied with BBC iPlayer and Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers, as opposed to the joys of Visual Impairment, the Global Allocation of Health Resources, Osmoregulation in the kidneys, Davenport Diagrams, T-Cells, B-Cells and Antibodies. That, for those of you who are interested, is a list of the topics I still have to do today but I know that won’t get done.

As you can see, revision isn’t exactly going well. I spent the first week trying to get myself to move out of the living room, away from the TV (which is almost as bad as my laptop) and upstairs to write some notes. Didn’t happen. The first half of the second week was better, but then it began to trail off. Yesterday was great; today was a disaster. I have less than two weeks to go. And because of how bad my last term was I’ve got so much work to do. And I really want to, at least, pass. And, for some reason getting up in a morning has become so much harder. I’ve always been one of those people who jumps out of bed the moment the alarm goes off. Now it’s like I’m scared of my alarm. I’ll wake up periodically for about 3 hours before it’s due to go off (which is really early when it’s set for 7am!) and then when it does go off I’m too exhausted to get out of bed so end up lying there, drifting in and out of very vivid dreams, for about an hour before I manage to get up. It’s like everything has just become a continuation of a dream because once I’m up and in the bathroom I’m fine. Maybe I need a louder alarm? Or a foghorn next to my bed?

But yes, last term was terrible. In fact, I’d say it was the worst term of any school year so far. I hate it when people say that university is the best time of your life because, sometimes, it’s not. It’s the worst. I’m so glad that 2010 is over and just pray that 2011 will be better. The last term was just...so many things went wrong, so many things dipped down into very deep holes and I spent so much time crying. But, it’s a new year. And although it isn’t exactly the fresh new start I was hoping for (I’m going to be some medication for a while longer) I am going to try and look at it as a new beginning. Hopefully, inshallah, next term will be better.

So I mentioned charlieissocoollike. I spent lots of last term watching his channel. That isn’t to say that that is what made it such a bad term – that’s what I did to distract myself from the bad bits. He’s hilarious. And I’ve also realised he was in my school year, although not at the same school, if that makes sense. You just feel a slightly deeper “connection” with famous people when you realise they were born in the same year as you, or would have sat their GCSEs at the same time as you. Or is that just me? Anyway, his videos are great and have prompted me to try fish custard (see here) next term at uni. According to my uncle I should be eating more fish fingers as a student (haven’t eaten any since starting Birmingham!) so I should really get some. I’ll let you know how it goes!

The Bristol-thing is still up in the air (see my last post “Previously in my life”). I’ve decided that I’m going to apply, and I’ll apply for Psychological Medicine at Birmingham as well, and go from there. But if I get into Bristol I think I want to move there. It would mean trying to find someone to fill my place in the Birmingham house but it’ll be cheaper in the long run, and I’d be able to get involved more without worrying about catching trains home.

I haven’t really got any New Year resolutions. Be brighter, maybe. Try to smile more. Try to be more adventurous in my uni cooking (ie no more instant mash). Try to write more. Maybe this will be the year the creative vibe comes back. Take more photos. Start a diary and never stop writing in it.

Hope everyone had a very happy holiday period and Good Luck to anyone who has exams in January! As my Dad said last night, “It’s all worth it in the end”. I know, I don’t believe it either :D

See you soon.

Toodles :D