Friday, 20 January 2012

Drowning in Beginnings

That’s how it feels. A while ago I blogged about how it wasn’t the case anymore. But it’s back. Whatever it is. Indecision maybe? Fear? Stupidity?

I have, at the last count, 12 books which I’ve started but haven’t finished, 5 ‘novels’, none of which are more than 7 pages long and 2 scripts, 1 of which is the same story line as one of the novels – thought I’d try a different medium. It didn’t help.

I don’t know why I can’t seem to get past the first bit with the writing. But in the past 5 years (roughly) I haven’t been able to finish anything. Except a few poems in the last few months. I always thought I was creative. I tell people that I write. Turns out it’s a lie. I think I’m just kidding myself. I think I want to be a writer, but am just going to have to accept that I’m not. I’m not creative. I’m not a medic. Not entirely sure what I am...

I don’t know what’s going on with the books.

In case you’re wondering, these are the books (in no particular order):

The Fry Chronicles by Stephen Fry

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Moon Over Soho by Ben Aaronovitch

A Clash of Kings by George R R Martin

Middlemarch by George Eliot.

Bad Medicine: Doctors Doing Harm since Hippocrates by David Wooton

The Greatest Benefit to Mankind by Roy Porter

Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

Hippocratic Oaths by Raymond Tallis

Nervous System by Jans Lars Jenson

The Philosophy of Evidence Based Medicine by Jeremy H Howick


  1. Wow wow wow - what's with all the negativity?! I'm going to assume the role of Perspective here and attempt to "cleanse your aura", Phoebe Buffay style.

    1. Saying you're not a writer just because you haven't finished anything lately is just poppycock! You write, therefore you are a writer.
    2. Finishing something is not easy, and it's not supposed to be! You need time, an idea that absolutely DEMANDS to be written and will not leave you alone, and to remember that you're not alone in struggling. Not even just creative people, but every single person who has tried to do something EVER has faced doubt and procrastination and frustration along the way. But they overcome it alllll the time, and so can you!
    3. You are creative - you are creating, no?
    4. People start reading books and don't finish them all the time, it does not mean under ANY circumstances that you are defective. Either you haven't had enough time to lose yourself in them, or they have failed to grab your attention and hold it until the final page.
    5. Speaking of - a lot of those books on your list (and I like a few of them!) are kind of heavy. Why don't you try something small and light and pure confectionery? Reading deep things is good, obviously, but sometimes they suck you too far into yourself. I'd recommend anything by John Green or Ann Brashares.
    6. Okay, you haven't finished anything in a while, but you have STARTED. Do you know how incredibly, paralysingly difficult I find that?!
    7. Go out and distract yourself with shiny pretty lights and walks and such. The less you focus on the negative stuff the easier it will be to deal with. Sometimes the worst thing you can do is lock yourself up in your own head.
    8. If you have HP & the Half-Blood Prince on DVD, go watch the JK Rowling documentary on the special features disc. It neeeeever fails to cheer me up or inspire me.

    GOOD LUCK! *hugs*

  2. Rosie
    First of all *hugs back*. Secondly, you're right. But sometimes the moods never fail to bring me down. And this was written in the middle of one. And that same mood could argue with almost every point, but I will refrain, because the voice of Perspective/Reason is much more intelligent than the voice of Despair/Anguish.
    I haven't got the HP DVDs. But I am going to buy the complete box set very, very soon :) And I will listen to the commentary.
    Thank you Rosie. For everything.

  3. Yep, I totally get that the moods have an answer to everything and a death-ray-gun to combat every sunbeam... I don't even know... anyway, point is, I support the wallowing, because you get to a point where you can't get any lower and that's the best place ever because it's all up from there :D! And yes, HP DVDS ASAP!!!!!

  4. death ray gun :) Never mind me, how are you?

  5. could ths b the dreaded 'writers block'... I knw its nt creative writng, but i get ths wth writng childrens reports. I will avoid it al cost and then gt ths surge of inspiratn nearer the deadline. My reports r always commended and hv bn tkn by Ofsted and moderators. Believe in yourself. Ur writng brings us bk to ur blog. Dnt gv up! Oh and middlemarch is brilliant. X where r emad and humaira? Thyve disapprd off the radar! Blooy science degrees. :-)

  6. Hi Auntie Em :) Maybe it is writer's block...never really thought about it that way before. Always just assumed it was a byproduct of what's been happening recently.
    Aww, thanks :)
    I have no idea! haven't heard from them in ages...probably snowed under with exams!

  7. Stop being lame! THAT'S AN ORDER.
    Also: I have the audiobook of Fry's autobiography. I think it came up to abooout...a billion hours? I don't know exactly, but a few hundred MBs on the phone, damn audiobooks lol.
    As for the list of unread books I have...let's not even get into that disaster...!

  8. Ah, "stop being lame"...Emad's trademark supportiveness...
    Well, I totally agree with Rosie, and have exactly the same problem with writing. Medschool sucks all creativity out of you, so I still tell people that I write stuff but the last new thing that I wrote for pleasure was two years ago, almost! It's horrible and scary but it's not something that should get you down. You're just not in the best environment to be all creative. It'll pass :) Rosie is also right in that starting stuff and not finishing it is better than not starting at all! And I second Aunty Em also, writer's block can totally explain it.
    So chin up chuck etc! :)

    And with regards to reading...those are some pretty heavy books you've taken on, lol. Try to break back into reading with something a bit ligter that doesn't require as much thought...? That worked for me, lol. I felt a bit of a traitor for reverting to young adult novels for a while, but John Green, what an author :D (Seriously, read The Fault In Our Stars)



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