Wednesday, 21 September 2011


I've been putting off writing this post because it's easier not to think about it. It hurts. Part of me is holding out for a miracle I know will never come.

I failed cardio.

I passed renal and neuro but somehow I managed to do worse on the cardio module than the first time round.

I've been offered an external resit, which at least means I'm not being chucked out. However it does mean that Bristol probably isn't happening.

I went down to Birmingham after getting my results on Thursday. I cried on the bus, on the platform, on the train. I cried when talking to my personal mentor, and again when in the meeting with my year tutor. I kept seeing people from my year and it hurt. I think I just need to admit I'm a jealous person and stop trying to hide it. I'm jealous of everyone going to Bristol to do the iBAMH. I'm so happy for those who past the exams, but also jealous that their life is going right, while I'm floundering.

There's a tiny, tiny possibility I can still go to Bristol. As it's an external resit I'm not registered at Birmingham. My case is unheard of but I've appealed to both universities, and am just waiting on an answer.

There was something good that came out of this though. Throughout the 2 hour journey down to uni, whilst in the waiting room, when I was in my meetings I only once thought about transferring to English, and it was a fleeting, emotional half-thought. I had all the time to seriously consider it and I didn't. I guess I do really want to do medicine.


  1. Really sorry to hear that :( My email is on my profile page if you want to chat to someone who's been through similar things before.

    Good luck with the external resit, if you can't do your iBSc this year, can't you do it between fourth and fifth years?

    Take care, don't beat yourself up about it, exams are horrible!

  2. Thank you Grumpy :)
    I could, but I don't want my medical degree to be 7 years...

  3. Okay, I think we all know by now that I am no expert on the medical side of uni, so I'm not even going to pretend I understand all the technical stuff, but I'm sorry about cardio, and I'm sorry about all the angst surrounding Bristol. I know it's a total cliche, but cliches are cliches for a reason, right? Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger! And that silver lining at the end there? That's the best damn one I've heard in a while :).

    Good luck with EVERYTHING, and keep us posted :)!

  4. It's like reading my own story... Which I should write down soon, but as you wrote, it's easier not to think about it. Ironically, it is my only thought for months now, but actually putting it into coherent sentences...
    I am glad that you are stronger than ever about medicine being the right path for you. Same here :) When you are really sure, everything is easier. That's what I have lost and what I need the most. Motivation.
    Right now, I feel that with a bit more faith and hard work I will be fine. We both will.

  5. Rosie: Thank you :) Cliches are cliches for a reason, and now, for the first time, whatever the outcome, I know everything's going to be alright.

    Audrey: We both will. *hugs*


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